Maria's final entry

I'm almost ready to show you the final post in Maria's diary, in her own handwriting, but first I want to propose a hypothetical question. 

Suppose, hypothetically, you knew a way to contact one of the people we've been reading about in Maria's diary.  Let's just say it's her boyfriend, Jorge.  Further, let's suppose you happen to know where he works, and that perhaps you have a phone number for his place of employment, and that you know he still works there. 

Now for the hypothetical question:  If this purely hypothetical situation were actually true, would you try to call Jorge and see what happened between him and Maria? 

And if you would try to call him, assuming you could actually find a phone number for him, which I never actually said I had--this is a hypothetical scenario, remember--what would you say to him? 

Would it go something like this?

Jorge:  Hello.

Hypothetical Me:  Hi, I'm a nosey voyeur and I found your girlfriend's diary. 

Jorge:  Huh?  What the...

Hypothetical Me:  I'm calling because I want to know the rest of the story.  What happened between you and her?  I assume you never proposed to her on the beach in Hawaii.  And what about... 

Jorge:  You bastard.  I'm coming to get you. 

Hypothetical Me:  [click]

That doesn't seem like it would go very well.  So what would you say?   Please send me a comment with your better idea.  The best idea wins a Pepsi t-shirt that I can't seem to get rid of in any other way. 

OK, now for Maria's final entry (you may need to click on the photo to read it clearly):

 

Hiatus over (maybe)

There is a two month break between entries in Maria’s diary.  Even longer than the break between this and my last post.  While we may never know what was going on between Maria and Jorge in that time, I will tell you that I have been putting in a lot of hours on my skinny skis, with trips to Pinedale, Wyoming (all the civilization you need) and Cedar Breaks, Utah (skate skiing at 10,000 feet is really hard) in addition to skating all the local trails.  Oh, and there was a bit of extreme tubing too:

As I said, we don’t know what Maria and Jorge were doing during Maria’s two month hiatus from journal writing, but it is safe to assume that the tension between them that Maria wrote about was thickening.  It’s also interesting that there are 28 blank pages between these entries.  Was Maria planning to go back and fill in those pages with what really happened?  Or was it too emotional/powerful/beautiful/ugly/heartbreaking/nauseating to be written down?  Oh, how I wish I could ask Maria a few questions.  

In this entry we finally get a hint about Maria’s age.  She mentions that she had a bartending job in the past, so she must be over 21.  She picks up right were she left off—responding to the tension in Jorge.  

December 12

I realize finally that my getting upset with Jorge for not coming immediately home after checkout is not his fault.  He is doing nothing wrong, he has every right after a hard night of work to sit down, relax, socialize with friends and have a couple drinks if he wants to, just because I didn’t used to socialize and drink after my last bar tending job doesn’t mean he can’t.  I think what was really upsetting me about this whole this (sic) was that when we first started dating, he would come over around 11pm and tell me that before he met me he would always hang out after work and drink with his friends/co-workers but since he met me all he wants to do is come right over after his checkout to be with me.  So when he started staying later and later at the bar after work I started feeling like he didn’t feel the same for me anymore and I felt like he was having a better time there than with me.  

Can you blame him?

Probably because of all the times I felt that way, he sensed that I was unhappy with the situation and it made him not want to come home and deal with me. 

Umm, no kidding!?!  Next is one of my all-time favorite run-on sentences.  I wouldn’t want to deal with Maria either if she speaks in the same manner that she writes:  

I just wish he could understand that I look forward to spending time with him when he gets home and when he comes home really late I get tired and what he doesn’t realize is that sometimes I have been up since really early in the morning and have to get up early again so I need to go to bed and it sucks because I start getting upset because he doesn’t think about that, because he has no concept of time. 

To make this work with these different jobs and different schedules, we both need to respect and be considerate of the other person’s needs and wants.  Communication without attitude, without being defensive, just really listening and understanding and compromising.

Coming soon! (I promise) The exciting conclusion of Maria's saga.  It's a real cliffhanger.  Just let me warn you that it will leave you asking more questions than it answers.  

Midlife crisis job

If I ever get fed up working for the government sow, I know exactly what I'm going to do:

UPS Delivery By Bike! Salem, Oregon from nwduffer on Vimeo.

Surprise Jorge!

It's been a while since we checked in on Maria, the Healer of Santa Fe.  Last time everything seemed so wonderful, I was sure this match was made in heaven.  Oops, looks like I spoke too soon:

Oct 19

Last night I went to [the bar where Jorge works] to be surprise Jorge.  I didn’t get the wonderful warm welcome I usually do, he handed me a drink and said “here, I saw you coming.” 

Maybe Jorge wants to “talk on a deep level.” 

I asked him if he was okay and he seemed a little irritated.  Turned out he was just tired and had a stressful night, and everyone was coming to him for everything, he said people want too much from him sometimes. 

Doesn't she realize she wants too much from him too?  Something he isn't capable of delivering?

I need not take it personal, that’s ego.  It had nothing to do with me.  We drank a bottle of wine and talked for a few hours.  I was still feeling a little tension , the night before had been so amazing and beautiful and full of love, I guess I was a little disappointed because I was so looking forward to a forever continuance of that loving night that he told me he loves me.  I know we are getting back to that again now I just need to let that night go, and focus on new beginnings and continuing and remembering his and my loving words and feelings for each other, he loves me, this is the truth, this is what I need to always remember and feel, and he the same for me.

Next time:
    Maria responds in the only way she knows how.

Winter

Winter weather has finally arrived in Salt Lake City.  That means it’s time to swap my skinny tires for skinny skis.  But first I needed an afternoon on some fat tubes.  Hooptedoodle style.

Cyclocross regression

It’s a beautiful, sunny December afternoon here in Salt Lake City.  I’m sitting here in bed with a clogged nose and gnarly cough instead of racing the final cyclocross race of the series at the Andy Ballard Equestrian Center.  Lately the weather’s been so nice, in fact, that I haven’t been wishing I was sliding through the woods on skinny skis instead of skinny tires during every race. 

Since I’m not racing today I figured I would do something I enjoy equally well.  You guessed it; I’m spending the afternoon doing regression analysis.  First I plotted my finishing place in each of the five cyclocross races I’ve done this season:


As you can see, the data indicate that I have clearly improved over the course of the season, but they also indicate a leveling off of my progress, as is evident by the 12th place finish the data predict for me if I had shown up for race number 11 today. 

Rather than get discouraged by these data, or write them off as an indicator of my level of enthusiasm for cyclocross this year, I next plotted the number of riders I finished in front of in each of my first four races.  I deemed race number 10 to be an outlier because I had a mechanical during the race (i.e. my handlebars slipped downward every time I rode on the hoods, then slipped back upwards when I shifted my hands to the drops.  I stopped to fix them after two laps, and after several minutes spent frantically searching for someone to loan me a multi-tool, I managed to tighten them in the downward position, so that even when I was on the hoods I felt like was riding in an aerodynamic tuck.  This, of course, clearly explains why I was able to ride fast enough to catch two competitors before the end of the race and not finish last.):


I must admit I find the upward trend of these data much more encouraging.  And look at that coefficient of variation—a whopping 0.85!  That’s pretty exciting, but what troubles me about these data is that they predict I would have finished in front 10 riders in race number 11 today.  Do the math if you must, but can you believe that?  Ten riders!?! The data don’t lie.  If, like last week, only 14 riders showed up to race in the ‘A’ Category, I would have finished in fourth place. 

Finishing fourth in a cyclocross race requires commitment.  It requires discipline.  It requires training, skills, desire.   It requires knowing how to get back on my bike after every barrier without hopping around like a fool.  No way.  I’m not ready to finish in fourth place. 

Sheesh.  It’s a good thing I stayed home today. 

San Antonio and trouble with Jorge

It’s been a star-studded week for me here in Tejas.  First there was my race against Lance Armstrong over the weekend.  Then, as I was checking into my hotel in San Antonio, a group of tall black men walked past me.  If I was the type that follows pro basketball, I would have recognized them as the New York Knicks.  But I’m not, so I was fortunate that a few of them were wearing T-shirts and other Knicks paraphernalia so I could figure it out.   A few of them said hello when I smiled and nodded to them.  Nice fellas. 

 Then today, as I was checking out of the same hotel, I noticed another basketball team walking in.  This time I didn’t have to look at their clothing to know who they were, because Yao Ming was with them.  The Houston Rockets were checking in.  I didn’t see a bicycle with Yao, but I still recognized him from this picture:

Since I was going to be in San Antonio all week, and since 
I had destroyed my back tire in my race over the weekend, I bought a cheap commuter tire to go on the back wheel, so I could see some of the city.  On Monday 
afternoon I set out to see the five missions of San Antonio Missions National Historical Park, which, according to the Lonely Planet guidebook, is a must see.


 

I loved looking at the Spanish Baroque architecture and this 250 year old fresco almost as much as I loved exploring a new city on my bicycle.  There simply is no better way to see a city than on a bike.

While pedaling around the rough edges of San Antonio, looking for good Tex-Mex and Barbecue (i.e. not on the Riverwalk), I made sure to stop at every thrift store I saw.  I was hoping to find the diary of another insecure, naïve healer in the used book section, but I was sorely disappointed when I all I found was children’s books and tattered romance novels.  Ok, maybe I was a little less disappointed to find the romance novels. 

However, in searching for another Maria, I realized I had forsaken the original.  It has been too long since we have checked in on our favorite Healer on Santa Fe.  So today’s installment covers three short entries that show just how enamored Maria is with Jorge.  First is Maria’s affirmation to herself that she and Jorge belong together.  It wrenches my heart to read how badly she wants Jorge to be the one for her, and how she believes that telling herself that it is meant to be she will make it happen.  I imagine she also believes that repeatedly telling herself that she can breathe underwater will miraculously cause her to sprout gills.

October 18

I am confident, strong and fearless, I let go of all guilt and fear and worry.  I have a man who is making me happy, Jorge E. and I bring each other, joy, love, respect, trust, loyalty, faithfulness, and happiness.  We are meant to be together, soul mates, let nothing tear us apart.  We are friends and lovers who communicate well to each other and are honest and open with each other.  Every day our love grows and we fell more passion for each other, we are in love and this love is always going to be strong. 

Next is a tender, unfinished letter to Jorge where she tells him that he can sprout gills too.  True love can do that to a man.

Jorge,

I am ready to move forward with you forever.  I am letting the past go, I am letting go of the guilt, thank you for helping me see how, because of you.  I trust you, I believe in us and I truly believe you are the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with, I have no doubt I love you. 

Finally, this note welcoming Jorge home gives us our first concrete evidence—as if we needed any—that Jorge might not be as enamored with Maria as Maria is with Jorge.  I think it’s important to show this in Maria’s own handwriting.  Click on the picture for a bigger view.  Notice how she expected him to be home before 8:00, and that she waited a while for him for before she had to go out for an errand.  Where could Jorge be?

Next time:  What’s bothering Jorge?