Fellow Racer’s Cycle Service rider, Hooptedoodle reader, bicycle commuter and Mountain Dew slammer, Ryan M. recently had a run in—literally—with a Bull Mastiff during his bicycle commute. According to Ryan, the traumatic experience began with him just riding along when he saw a dog coming at him from his right. His next sensation was of being airborne, followed abruptly by the sensation of his back and shoulder grinding on pavement. He says it all happened so fast that he can’t really describe it in detail, which is a shame, really, because a story like this has high hooptedoodle potential. Especially the part about Ryan getting a ride home in a police car.
I’m not going to leave you hanging, dear readers. I knew that you would all want to know exactly how this tragedy happened. So I have commissioned a special report from an eyewitness to the whole event; one of the key players in the drama. I am pleased to introduce the newest guest writer to Hooptedoodle:
Please meet Rusty the Bull Mastiff. I asked him to tell us exactly how this tragedy happened.
Hmmm??? Why does George keep yelling at me to come back?? You go back George. There is too much to see out here to stay by your heel. Pant pant. Look at all the cars go by, George, look at ALL the cars!! I can catch ‘em George I CAN CATCH ‘EM!!! It’s a great day!!! Pant pant pant. Hey George what is THAT? It’s a bike and rider George, A BIKE AND A RIDER!! Pant Pant Pant. I can catch him George, I CAN CATCH him!! Oooh, oooh! Look at that! George, you left the gate open. Watch me go George. Pant pant pant pant pant. HERE I GO!! No time to bark, NO TIME TO BARK!!!!! Maybe he’ll play with me George, MAYBE HE’LL PLAY!!! He’s coming pretty fast. I’ll get in front of him and then I’ll……………………………………
Whack!
Silence.
OWWW!!!!!! What the woof was THAT?? (no urge to pant) Look how that rider soars through the crisp autumn air. Look at him George; He’s at least six feet high! Is that gonna hurt when he lands George? Is that gonna hurt?
George it worked. IT WORKED!!! He stopped George. Pant pant pant. HE STOPPED. He wants to play! Hey George, HEY! Why are you taking me away? Look at all the people getting out of their cars George, LOOK AT THE PEOPLE!!! Oh yeah, they all want to play George, THEY ALL WANT TO PLAY!! Let me go George, LET ME GO!! Aww, don’t shut the gate George!! Ooh, ooh, Look at the shiny red truck coming George, Look at the SHINY RED TRUCK WITH THE FLASHING RED LIGHTS. What’s that loud noise George? What’s that loud siren noise? It hurts my ears George. It hurts my ears, but this is still a great day George, What a great day!
Hey, I smell something stinky coming from the back yard. Better go investigate...
How much drooling was Rusty doing? I'd also like to ask him if he prefers fire hydrants or mailboxes?
ReplyDeleteWell...that is probably the best description, and it's true I never saw that dog. I didn't even have time to curse...
ReplyDeleteAnyway I did get a ride home in a cop car. Apparently there was a cop car two cars back who didn't see the wreck but did see me in the air. He quickly stopped all traffic, called in his buddies plus the fire department, plus an ambulance. Apparently it was a slow day at the precinct. Anyway after the all the hooptedoodle the cop (I should say officer, they liked to be called officer) asked if there was anything else he could do. I looked down at my broken pedal (apparently during the wreck my shoe came off the pedal but the cleat did not)and said "Well you are supposed to protect and serve so how about a ride home?" "Sure" he replied. "Can we put on the siren?" "Don't push your luck kid" (I'm pretty sure I was older then the officer)he said. At least I think thats how it went.....the whole thing was pretty hazy....
In addition to all you would be or thinking about being commuters out there who might be scared away by this story. I am sore but nothing is broken. I am also happy to report that the dog owner was very nice. Took full responsibility and has paid in full for the bike damages without the hastle of lawyers. So if the dog owner happens to read this post, thanks. Oh yeah...the dog is fine.
A mastiff! This is very exciting. We have one. I have no doubt the dog is fine and the accident may as well have been wrecking into a mobile brick wall. When looking at the anatomy of these dogs their skulls resemble misshapen bowling balls more than anything else. I'm glad to hear the owner was responsible and that Ryan is fine. :)
ReplyDelete