Enter Jorge

When we last left Maria she was pleading with God to send her a man.  Not just any man, but “a man that is honest, and loyal and romantic and beautiful and kind and…”

Today we read that her prayer was answered.  Unfortunately we’ll never know exactly how it was answered because a page has been torn out from the spiral notebook.   I suspect they met in a bar. 

What we do know for is that she met a man named Jorge, and that they have moved in together.  The entry is dated October 13, just six weeks after she spent her Labor Day partying on Ecstasy in Hollywood, when she decided she was ready for a boyfriend.  The relationship is getting off to a rocky start. 

I am trying to figure out how to fix things with Jorge, What do I say?

I want to talk to you about that stupid question I asked you the other morning about seeing your car Monday afternoon down the street when you said you were across town with your daughter. 

I should have been irrelevant and not payed attention to because that was the past, it was before you told me that you want to move forward with me.  Also it was none of my business. 

I think what hit me was the past, I have been cheated on and hurt really badly and when you told me you were across town with your daughter and I saw your car here it was like the past slapping me in the face…

…when I heard the words come out of my mouth, I felt so stupid and I knew it was just coming from my repeated past and it has nothing to do with you…I do trust you and I do believe you will make me happy and I know I don’t have to worry about you hurting me… 

There’s even more foreshadowing in the entry dated October 15:

Are things moving to fast or have they?  Everything felt so right with me and Jorge.  They still feel right…

Apparently she shares the same belief as Dick Cheney in that the more you repeat something the more you start to believe it.  That’s right Maria, keep telling yourself things are right with you and Jorge and soon you’ll have yourself convinced. 

…I guess I am just scared of things changing…

Changing from what?  You haven’t known this guy six weeks.

…I was so convinced that he is “the one” for me that I have been telling him really private things and expecting him to share with me too so we can get to know each other deeply...

Jorge deserves a medal for putting up with this crap just six weeks into a relationship. 

He has been irritated with me because I keep asking him questions about his past, he keeps saying “we have our whole lives.”

…It seems like the only time we really talk on a deep level is when we are drinking…

I won’t make fun of that statement, because

1) its too easy; and

2) Ryan and I have our deepest conversations when we’re traveling to and from a bike ride.  We only talk about Mountain Dew while we’re in the saddle. 

…I really want this to work, I do believe we are meant to be together.  I worry about the drinking factor though, he drinks all the time…

I’d drink too if I lived with a woman like Maria.

…and that was one thing I really wanted to stop doing because I love being clear, I love being able to get up in the morning and feel good and do adventurous things, not sleep all day feeling sick…

Again, Maria, if that’s what you love, then you really should get a bicycle.  I do adventurous things on my bike every day and I wake up feeling good every morning. 

…I have fun with him when we drink, we just take it to the extreme and it’s not healthy…

Mags has said the same thing about my cycling addiction.  

…I really want us to be happy together and I don’t want my past, my fears to get in the way,  I need to remember that he didn’t hurt me, he didn’t do anything to make me suspicious or think I need to be defensive.  I need to give him the chance to prove to me that he will never hurt me.  I believe he will respect me, be loyal, communicate with me.  I want to trust him. 

I want to trust him too, but can I?

October 16

Jorge called me from work last night at 10:30 saying he was going to do his check out and hang out w/ his friends for a little bit then he would see me at home. 

Next time:  What Maria Dreams about.