Monday, July 14, 2014

Confessions

Originally Posted July 14, 2004 by Chad

Today we’re in Livingston, Montana and will enter Yellowstone National Park tomorrow. I have a couple of confessions to make. 

First, we rode on an interstate highway. Interstates are noisy, dangerous and boring, but the alternative for us to get to Helena was a detour that would force us to cross the continental divide twice. It was something like 80 more miles out of our way. I was surprised to find that the traffic wasn’t as bad as I had thought, with most vehicles passing us in the left lane. The shoulder was wide, but a bit sandy in places, and the rumble strip was in a very inconvenient place for bikes. But overall, it wasn’t nearly as terrifying as I had imagined, but I wouldn’t do it again. John Steinbeck said it best when he said that interstates “are wonderful for moving goods but not for inspection of a countryside. When we get these thruways across the whole country, it will be possible to drive from New York to California without seeing a single thing.” 

Second, I went to Wal-Mart in Helena. It was on the way out of town and we needed several various and sundry items. While inside, I noticed something that says a lot about our society, the store had bicycles in the toy section but the Nascar paraphernalia was with sporting goods. I shuddered at that sad commentary, found what I needed and then got stuck in line behind a family of fat people stocking up for a camping trip. Their cart was full of Lay’s potato chips, Sam’s American Choice soda pop and disposable plates, lawn chairs and silverware. I pretended to read a People magazine while I listened to how excited they were to be getting outside again this year. All their talk about camping reminded me that it was getting late in the day, so when I got to the front of the line I asked the clerk if we could camp on some grass in the parking lot. I figured if they let folks in their RVs do it all the time, then they should let us do it too; I mean, we’re kind of like a motorhome, except that we’re the motor. The clerk had to radio an assistant manager to ask if it was OK. The assistant manager gave a one-word answer: “No”. I couldn’t believe that we had been turned down by Wal-Mart, the single most homogenizing factor in American society. Talk about being outcasts. We pedaled on down the road a few miles and found a nice, quiet, more peaceful place to camp. I hate Wal-Mart.


Posted by Chad at 11:21 AM



Comments: Confessions

Hey Chump - I've enjoyed the drama of this site, although I must confess to only briefly checking it out a few times. However, this Wal-Mart entry helped me see the light, and I've been converted to an avid fan. In fact, it inspired me to emerge from my recliner (during a recent NASCAR event) just long enough to retrieve a delicious and refreshing "Sunbelt" granola bar, purchased from my local SUPER Wal-Mart. You know as well as I do, that the only place you can find such calorie packed enjoyment is your local Wal-Mart. Therefore, I feel somewhat compelled to let your other readers know the part you left out of that story: the fact that you were stuffing your pockets full of all the high quality Sunbelt granola bars you possibly could, while muttering "screw Wal-Mart" under your breath. Admit it chump.
Posted by mark at July 18, 2004 10:26 PM
 

Brother Harris,
We're so glad to have tracked you down. Many long hours of painful and intense prayer have finally directed us to this website. A very faithful and dedicated home teacher in Seattle (who wishes to remain anonymous because he seeks not the glory of men, but only to lobby for more spacious mansions in Heaven) has gone the extra spiritual mile so to speak, in your behalf. He informed us that not only was he unable to hometeach you last month, but that you had completely abandoned your former domicile, with no note or hint of where to find you. The emotional and spiritual stress this poor man has undergone, after not having achieved 100% home teaching during the month of June, is almost unspeakable. In fact, since your whereabouts were still unknown, this good brother has not been released as your home teacher, and is in serious danger of getting less than 100% hometeaching marks until he locates you and provides a proper home teaching lesson. That's where we come in. Fortunately we've been able to negotiate with your former ward clerk, and have received the go ahead to dispatch a companionship of UTAH IS ZION mobile home teachers to intercept you. They will be monitoring your future correspondence and will contact you at the appropriate time (most likely on the last day of the month). You're in our prayers, and don't worry, this crack team of mobile home teachers will come prepared with all the recent LDS magazines, books on tape, spiritual pin-up adds AND an uplifting message. May you be comforted in your trials until that happy meeting. 


Brother Muir
Posted by brother muir at July 18, 2004 11:07 PM
 

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